And still waiting....

I took the advice my friend gave my yesterday. It was so much to think about. But I put it out there and asked for a sign. I wanted to know.

I believe in signs. For so many years, whenever I asked for a sign or really asked for help, I got an answer. I very clear, you can't miss it sign. Going back over 10 years now!
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Many years ago, I remember being very distraught. I was home alone, on my sofa, crying- sobbing. I kept repeating over and over, "Oh my God! What am I going to do?" I felt like the world was crashing down and I didn't know what way to turn. Life felt unbearable.

All of a sudden, I heard a loud bang. My cats JUMPED off my sofa and when running. It sounded like someone threw a stick or something on my AC unit. I opened the blinds to look outside. Siting right on my AC unit were 2 gray morning doves. I looked up at the sky and said, "thank you". And I knew right then that everything was going to be ok.
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Several years later, my grandfather passed away. As my cousin and I were locked arm and arm, crossing the street from the funeral home to the church for his funeral mass, there was someone standing on the sidewalk playing Amazing Grace on a bagpipe. It was then that I sent a silent message to my grandfather. I wanted to know he was ok. I wanted him to send me a message that he was ok.

About a week or 2 later I was out at a bar listening to a favorite local rock band play. It was about midnight, not in March, not near St. Patty's Day, when the local police auxiliary group was there, stopping the band mid set. They were out with the bagpipes, playing Irish music with Irish step dancers. Strange in that setting, but kind of cool. Then the dancers stopped. The men with the bagpipes changed their song. There in the middle of that smokey crowded bar, they started playing Amazing Grace. I heard my grandfather's message loud and clear and I knew he was ok.
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Last fall I heard that an old friend's father had passed away. Her and I had been best of friends throughout high school and beyond. I had spent so much time at their home, and on their family vacations. I had even sent my "other" mom and dad Christmas cards, plus a congrats card when they were first going to be grandparents

But my friend and I were only Facebook friends at this point last summer. We had lost touch and hadn't seen each other in over 5 years. I didn't want to make things difficult or anything, but I wanted to show my respect and support for this family that I had loved so much. I just wasn't sure. So many people told me to send a card and be done with it. I hadn't seen her in over 5 years and shouldn't go. But I still wasn't sure.

One day I was driving to my parents house, the day before the wake. I put it out that I wanted a sign if I should go, but this time, OH was I specific! I wanted to hear the song, I'll Be There For You, the Friend's theme song. It had been sort of joke with my friend and me about that song being "our song". And really, when did you hear that song on the radio?

Well, driving the rest of the way to my parent's house, I had my radio blasting.. still blasting when I shut off my car. When I left hours later and turned my car on, I couldn't believe how loud the radio was. What song was BLARING out at me when I started my car to go home? I'll Be There For You, the Friend's theme song. I got the message. I went to the wake the next day.

A few weeks later through email, I told my friend that story. She said she knew that was her dad.
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So I believe in signs. I believe that if you ask for a sign, the universe will deliver and be clear, if you are willing to hear and to listen.

Today I asked for a sign. If I was to NOT take my friend's advice, I wanted to hear Garth Brook's song, Thank God For Unanswered Prayers. If I heard that, I knew I needed to let go and stop hoping for something to happen.

But I asked for a second sign. A sign to know that I was supposed to take my friend's advice. The advice she gave after I answered her question, "what do you feel in your heart?" I didn't know what song I wanted to hear, but I wanted something that would make it clear. Something I could recognize instantly as being a sign and know what to do.

The question that started this, the question my friend asked, "What do you feel in your heart?" I wanted to know if I should take her advice after I gave her my true answer.

Sitting at work an hour or 2 later, I heard a song come on the radio, not a song that commonly plays. And old song from back in the day, by Roxette. Listen To Your Heart. And part of the lyrics? "Listen to you heart before you tell him goodbye".

As absolutely terrified as I was today, I took my friends advice after hearing that song and did what she suggested. And I listened to my heart as well. I don't know if I have ever been as nervous as I was today. Nervous, scared, shamed. I felt sick I was so scared and nervous. But I took the advice.

And now? I'm still waiting. I still don't know how things are going to turn out. But I know now that I have done absolutely every possible thing I can do to try to right a wrong. I have more hope today than I did yesterday. But even still, if this can't be fixed, I now know I can move on.

I never would have done this on my own. Someone else told me NOT to do what I did, to NOT take that advice. But I know what would have happened if I didn't do it. Nothing. Nothing at all. I got that answer at least. But now? I still don't know what will happen, not at all. But I know for sure that I WILL have an answer. And I have the slightest bit of hope. Slight. But hope is there.

So now I keep waiting and continue to hope. After the signs I got, I am more hopeful than before. I trust that the right outcome will happen. I trust that what is meant to be will be.

But I still hope.

And I still wait.