adding to October goals

Tonight was good... went to the track and even in 80 degree humidity (really? Isn't it October in 2 days? Don't I live in New England? And seriously, my AC is on right now!) I ran 2 miles tonight. Then I came home and did a crazy 15 minute ab workout and then another 30 minutes of stretching. Can't call is yoga because I had the TV on, but it still felt good.

That got me thinking about yoga last night and 2 people last night asked me if I went to that church. It's a Unitarian Universalist Church, which I had looked into before. Not this specific church but the same religion. It basically incorporates the best of lots of different religions and is more of a spiritual religion than an actually structured one.

SO.. to add to October? I need to go to a service at least once. I think it'll be good for me to keep adding to my life spiritually and also to continue to expand my network.

I am really looking forward to see where the next phase my life takes me. I am doing what I can to stay positive and to take positive actions in my life. I want to be proactive and I want to have control of my future. I don't want things to just happen to me. I want to decide where I go.

September in Review

Just reviewed my week old goal for the whole month, since I didn't come up with one earlier. Update my resume, send out one, and have it reviewed. Done, done and done. I updated my resume this weekend, sent it out for a job I am interested in and sent it to someone to review who used to be a headhunter. SO... I accomplished the month's goals.

Earlier tonight I was on monster and craigslist looking up a few jobs. I have some I want to review further and then update the cover letter for each job to sent out. This weekend I want to get out at least 3 more resumes. We'll see what happens. I know I don't need a job tomorrow, but I'm not going to find something if I don't look at all. So... time to look and be pro-active about it.

Had another great yoga class tonight. I really like this class. No yoga next week but that's ok. I'll have to do some on my own more often. I really like and I really feel a difference.

I'm still a couple of days early, but to review September, I had a really good birthday. I brought in my 36th year on a good note. I made MANY changes in my life at 35 and now it is time to continue with that and continue bringing even better things into my life. I am going to do my best to stay positive, focus on what I can control and the good I can surround myself with. I really think I am on the right track for that.

I had a great birthday week. I had some challenges leading into September that made things a little tough for me. But I worked through them. I think I have taken those challenges and found a way to work with them and figure out what I have to do to grow with them. I still have to deal with difficulties, but knowing I can push past and survive is what makes me stronger.

Also this month, I was insane and decided to run in 3 different 5K races. I got worse as they went but I now know that was a crazy decision! I'm hoping for a good race this coming weekend, but if I don't that's ok too. I found a regular yoga class and that was something I was looking for as well. I continued to golf a few times and did my MMA work out too. OH, and I finally got under 130 pounds! :) That was a HUGE goal for a long time!

I went out with friends on the south shore outside of meetup and I keep making plans too! I am going out on Friday night with another friend and next month again a night out with the girls. I love that I am really truely developing friendships. That is something that is really important to me.

I am continuing to work on my health. I got new glasses. I changed my medication, I a continueing to exercise regularly adn really watching what I eat and the choices I make on what I do to and put into my body. I'm happy with the changes I've made and the decisions I am continuing to make.

SO... for October what I do I want? Hmm... I love the places I've gone and I want to work on keeping that motivation going.

First, with my career choices.

I want to send out at least 3 resumes each week. Since I will have to update the cover letter at my mom's until I get word on my laptop, that means I'll send out 3 each weekend. And October has 5 weekends, so that's an additional 15 resumes I need to send out. WOW!

And I need to contact one headhunter too.

Health and Fitness goals.

I need to run a solid 3 miles at least 4 times. No walking at all.

Other than my yoga class, I want to do yoga at home at least once more a week at home.

Hmmmm.... I got nothing else. I don't have anything else I want to make a goal for the month. Interesting!

Today is a CRAZY day! I had a 5K this morning but I was SO tired and burnt out, I walked a lot of it. After coming home for a while and chilling out, I went to another MMA fight workout. It was SO mcuh fun. And now I'm running behind... need to hop in the shower to get ready for a night out with the girls. I'm really looking forward to this.
Five of us are going out. I think I'm the youngest one at 36 and the rest are between 37 and 39. It'll be fun. I'm glad I'm actually making friends I can hang out with in my area. That's cool. And they are all good, fun people without drama. That's what I need in my life.

SO today at the fight gym, they paired us up to spar with the gloves on. My partner had to leave early, so I was at the bag to keep working. One of the owners grabbed me to work with me and took me into the cage. I'm kind of glad someone grabbed my camera! :)











Don't I look tough!! :)

I guess because of everything that had gone on with work the end of August and begining of September, I never created a new list of goals for September, although I did come up with a list of birthday resolutions.

With only 10 days left in the month, its probably a little late in the month to come up with a list of goals for 10 days. Right now my only promise it to update my resume before the month is over, send out one and also have it reviewed by a head hunter or someone.

I am still running and exercising. I have played golf twice, taken yoga classes 3 times, gone kayaking, run in two 5k's got new glasses, made plans with new friends outside of meetup and really tried to stay positive with all the crap around me. I have lost more weight and the scale has finally gone under 130 pounds (today was 128.8!).

Overall, more good things have been going on than bad, so I am going to continue to focus on that. And I can meet my resume goal, then I'm good for September! :)

I do it for the free T-Shirts

Today's 5K was for the Northeastern Alumni Association. There were about 750 runners today, which was a pretty big race in a tight spot. It was fun. The group I was with was great and we had a blast together. My time was horrible, but that's ok. Worst time I have had so far this year. I got a cramp after about a mile and a half that lasted the rest of the race, so I walked A LOT! But I feel good now and I'm glad I did it.

And yup, I do the races for the free T-shirts... and this one was a good one! :)

7am on a Saturday??

I've been up already for a half hour. I have my bag ready and I'm almost done with my first cup of coffee. I've got the clothes out and I'll be getting in the shower soon. Today's 5K is in Boston along the Charles at the Esplanade. The weather says about 70 today so that's good. I'm excited for this run! Hoping to break 34 minutes today. I'd LOVE to break 33 minutes even more, but we will see.

SO!! Got on the scale already... 128.8!! I FINALLY broke 130! I'm sure I'll be back and forth around 130 for right now. I usually have a 2 pound range depending on the day, what I ate, and a whole bunch of other things. The range had been 130-132. I'd love to have the range under 130 and hopefully that'll be the case soon.

My ultimate goal is 122 pounds. I think it is even closer! Today I feel good. I think I can make it. But I am SO excited to see that 2 on the scale instead of the 3! WOW!! 128.8 and I got on twice to make sure!! That's just SO cool! I have a 2! :)

Focus on the positive

Life has been busy lately. I really enjoyed my week off of work. The training I went to was pretty good. I really took a lot out of it and I've already tried to incorporated a few things into my routine in the office.

The night in between the training I spent at a good friends house. She took me to a yoga class taught by the first yoga instructor I ever had. It was pretty cool and it was really nice to hang out with my friend too.

Then I enjoyed my birthday off. I played golf with mom and her friends and did really well. I was proud of me for it. That Friday I had a few doctor appointments and was basically just running around. Saturday was a kayaking trip with the fitness group followed by a great cookout. They got me a cake and a card, it was really nice. Sunday I ran in a 5K and cut even another minute + off my time! I was at 34:07!

Then Monday was back to the office. I was a little nervous about going back there after how things had been before I left for a week out of the office. It went ok this week. I'm trying to make our department more of a team. I've realized that the one person who was my friend is who she is. I can't change that. I know I don't trust her and I know I have no respect for her. I'm fine with losing the friendship but still hurt and disappointed in the betrayal.

I did talk to my boss this week again. He said he hasn't heard anything at all and things are fine as far as he is concerned. He also said that he thinks the biggest problem that happened and how this whole situation was caused was because a one sided story was passed around and other made a judgement on that one side. Then he said, if you have a problem with someone talk to that person. Don't go to HR. That was when I knew for certain how everything happened. The person I considered a friend went to HR to complain about me, to the woman in HR who already doesn't like me. And that is when the witch hunt started.

That made me angry. I don't understand how someone can do that to someone they say they want to maintain a friendship with. I just don't get it.

But I'm doing my best to deal with her BS and ego and to rise above it. I have a job to do, I have a department to lead. I want us to be the best we can be, if things work out for me at this company or not. I want to continue to push myself and my skills to reach a new level for myself. If I can overcome this, that will say a lot about me and who I am as a person.

Right now, when I'm not at work, I am really focusing on not being at work. I want to enjoy every moment and live life to the fullest. I am really working on expanding my circle of friends and developing better positive and healthy relationships. The people I have met through the fitness group have really helped me with that.

I have been running with this group twice a week since April. Now we are doing 5K's almost every weekend. I've planned a girls night out for next Saturday night for a bunch of us too. I really have become friends with some of the people I've met. Tomorrow is another 5K and we are meeting at a T station at 8:30am. We probably won't get back until 1 or 2. It'll be another fun day.

The yoga class I took started up last week. It was exactly what I was looking for. A gentle yoga class that focuses on relaxation. I know I found the right place for me. This class runs every Tuesday night, except for the first Tuesday of the month, now through April! And that was all for $35! I'm super excited for it.

I'm hoping that if I continue to focus on all of the positive things in my life and continue to build on them, that it will lead to even more positive opportunities and experiences. I do have some challenges that I will need to work on overcoming, especially professionally, but what doesn't kill me will make me stronger.

Birthday Resolutions

Every year, not only do I do my New Year Resolutions, but I also come up with Birthday Resolutions. For me, with my birthday falling during Labor Day week, it reminds me of back to school time, another New Year and MY new year. I like to reflect back and think ahead. And of course, I don't work on my birthday!

Today, I woke up on my own without an alarm. Had some coffee, watched TV, then went for a walk at the park. I stopped on a bench for a while, looking out towards the pond.

I had already made a couple of decisions about my next year. Last week I decided I wanted to open myself up for opportunities for a new path in my career and also to receive a romantic relationship in life. Today I wanted to expand on that.

While I was sitting, my mind was thinking of the goals I have and where I want to be. I am very proud of where I have come in the past year. I have succeeded on fitness and health, I have made new friends and continued to push past limits on myself. I want to keep doing that and expand on that. I want to keep doing yoga and find more balance in my life. And am going to start small. If it is traditional meditation or not, I want to spend 5 minutes a day in some sort of meditation. For me, I can even find that in running on the track. Somewhere that my mind is clear and in the present moment, however I can find it.

Then I had a thought. I want to make better choices for myself. I think that sums up how I want my 36th year to be. I want to choose better for me in all areas. Eat better foods, have healthier relationships, spending choices, all of it. I want to make better choices for myself.

Right after I had that thought, the top of an acorn fell out of tree and landed on the paved path in front of me. I picked it up and brought it home to place on a shelf. Hopefully by continuing to see that acorn top, I will be reminded to continue to make better choices for me.

I also thought how thankful I am with my life, all of it. My struggles, successes, accomplishments and failures. All of it makes up who I am and I wouldn't be me without all of it. I like where I am and I am looking forward to seeing what is next for me.

Here's to a great 36th! :)

Happy Birthday Month

Generally I come up with a list of New Year Resolutions around my birthday too, since it is a new year for me. I haven't done that yet and have until next week for my actual birthday.

I'm out of the office all next week (labor day, 2 days of training and 2 vacation days). My department knew I wouldn't be here for my birthday so they decided to celebrate it a little early. They got me a cake and had the office sign a card for me. It is seriously THE BEST CAKE EVER!!!

I love celebrating my birthday month, and it really is a whole month long celebration! :) Happy Birthday to me!

More Revelations

Almost another work week down... tomorrow the office is closing at 3pm for the long weekend. I'm really looking forward to some time out of that place. I really need it.

I had another interesting conversation with my boss today. It started when I asked him about when I meet with him next month about the meeting last week. I wanted to know who makes the decision. Who determines if expectations have been met? Won't that be subjective? And will they just interview everyone in my department again?

My boss said his opinion matters. That helped. He had me close his office door and again said that the company president isn't a fan of mine. He reminded me that he will be retiring in the next 18-24 months. He said he wasn't sure of my career plans or goals, but with the presidents opinion of me, if I see something that comes up, I should take it. He said he doesn't want to push me out and isn't trying to get rid of me, but I have to do what's best for me. And that with our company president, when she has an opinion of someone, it will not change ever. She makes up her mind, and that's it. So that's it for me.

I'm sad. I work really hard for this company and it is really hard to finally know for sure that I will never reach my goals. At this point, they really are unobtainable. I need to start looking somewhere else.

I know my boss has done his best to have my back. He knows my strengths, he knows my knowledge. I know he would be a great reference for me.

I need to try to stay positive on this. He didn't need to tell me all of this. He could get in trouble for what he said to me. But I know he likes me and cares about me and feels bad for the situation that I am in. He doesn't like it and he doesn't agree with it. But he is also in a bad position. He's not a favorite either.

He said that the president knows that she needs me right now. No one else knows what I know. No one else can do what I can do. And we have two HUGE accounts that we could be getting within the next six months. It would really screw them if I left. But with everything I have been through, everything they have put me through? It is what it is.

Next week they are sending me to a supervisor training for 2 days out of the office. That can go on my resume. I am also going to ask about taking the next 35 credits to maintain my license (on their dime). I need those by next summer. And one of the exams I take (for 30 credits) can also go on my resume that I am starting towards another designation in my field.

I am going to use them for all I can until I leave. I just have to time everything correctly. As sad as it is, I'm lucky I know for sure know instead of just thinking it. I know last week I said I would be at this job for another year or 2. Now I'm thinking more like 6 months to a year, depending on what I can find. I just hope I can bang out the 35 credits by then! I'll talk to my boss in a couple of weeks about taking the test for 30 credits (the test is over $250).

I just want to be in a good position for me. I need to do what's right for me and I need to look out for me first. This is a really tough position for me to be in. I know I will survive, I know I will land on my feet and I know I will be stronger and smarter for all that I have been through. But having to go through all this just sucks and there isn't any other way to say that.

My facebook status tonight was:
Having a gut feeling is one thing. Having it all confirmed is another. Now that it eveything sunk in, grateful for the honesty and knowledge I now have to move myself in the right direction for me.