Overall, this was a REALLY difficult month and I'm grateful that it is almost over. Considering how hard it was, as of about 4pm on, this day has been GREAT! One really good thing after another.
A HUGE possibility for work basically FELL into my lap. This is HUGE with the potential to be a huge untapped source for our company overall. And this is my contact who came to me, who would give us an unbelievable opportunity for profits! Through me! With me getting the commission credit! YAY!
As soon as I hit send on an email to my boss outlining everything, I checked the emails that had come in. Another account we have was contacting me for me possible products through us that I spoke to her about months ago. This is GREAT!
THEN when I got home and went on Facebook, a trainer I used to work out with posted that she is looking for trainers to use her studio on Saturday and Sunday days for a small fee! My certification classes are in less than 2 weeks! I LOVE how all of this is falling into my lap. This is GREAT!
BUT, I'm behind on the studying, VERY behind. I haven't lost the weight I wanted to lose. I haven't paid all the bills due right now. My back is BAD and I haven't been running at all. So didn't make many of my monthly goals.
So here they are... from last month.
My monthly goals for January were:
Personal Fitness-
Run 2-3 miles a
week, for 25 miles for the month FAIL, back didn't allow it.
Swim at least once a week- nope. Swam 3 times this month, not last week.
work out 5-6
days a week each week- most weeks worked out 3+ times
lose those 5 pounds I gained back.- STILL NO! :(
Fitness
Training-
Finish the books- starting tonight.
Finish both online yoga classes- haven't started.
"teach" at
least one class to someone- NO! :(
Talk to Alex and Bridge about teaching with
them- TODAY!! YAY!
Take a new fitness class somewhere- I LOVE KICKBOXING!!!
Financial Success-
Have
all bills paid and up to date at end of month- only one is late but I'm paying double next month
Get car inspected- no. got car fixed, was going for inspection then damn headlight went out!
Register
for 1st Aid/CPR- Still no, but only need CPR not 1st aid
Cross sell at least one account in January (for bonus in
February)- no, but I do have $250 coming in from other sources and I'm working on a few in process now. At least 3 possibilities right now to close in Feb.
SO.... after a bigger fail than success, I did have a few smaller successes and making my weekly goals were great. I was more aware of everything and made progress while I was going.
Successes not part of this?
Personal Fitness successes...
With injuries, been active more than not.
Started and LOVE kickboxing
Maintained weight, lost a few pounds
Built more muscle and feel stronger
Diet is much better
Fitness Training successes....
Did LOTS of networking
Found new fitness contact to teach bootcamp/group classes with
Found new yoga teaching contact to teach with/at
Connecting with Alex to teach with her
Working on developing a business name, website and getting business cards.
Financial Successes....
All but one bill paid up to date.
Stayed within budget all month
Got car fixed- handled unexpected $400 expense.
Found alternative options for incoming money.
Have budget in place for February.
Have possible commission bonuses working to close in February for March Bonuses.
Now time to figure out my goals for February:
Personal Fitness-
Get back into running. Log over 15 miles for the month.
Swim at least once a week
work out 4-5 days a week each week
Lose the couple of remaining pounds to get back to my goal.
Fitness Training-
Take and PASS the 3 classes (be certified!!!)
Decide on a business name
Get a webpage and business cards
Open a bank account for the business
Look into getting insurance or what would be necessary
Continue to talk to Alex about teaching with her
Talk to Bridget to teach with her
Make 2 new contacts through networking
Look into & consider registering for Kickboxing Skills class
Look into & consider registering for Zumba Instructor training class.
Financial Success-
Have all bills paid & up to date in month.
Get headlamp fixed and car inspected.
Register for CPR class.
Get taxes done.
Pay off something on credit report.
Cross sell/close at least 2 commission bonus policies for March income.
If financially possible, register for another fitness instruction class (Kickboxing and/or Zumba)
I'm excited about the possibilities that next month will bring with it. :) For the first time in a while, I am very very optimistic about the future.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Girls Night Successs!
Last night we had SO much fun. Laura and Carrie did a great job and were in a bunch of shows. We really had a blast.
I love the friends I have. We have such a great group and I love how everyone is friends with each other too. Its not one person who ties us all together, we all are friends now on our own and its great!
Here are a few pictures from last night.....
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I love the friends I have. We have such a great group and I love how everyone is friends with each other too. Its not one person who ties us all together, we all are friends now on our own and its great!
Here are a few pictures from last night.....
Here are our stars of the night before the show began...
And here is the group at intermission....
Me with Laura in her robe...
Carrie and Laura after the Finale.... In Gold for the 50th anniversary of the show...
Patty is going to kill me for posting this one on Facebook!!
Getting packed up to go after the show... check out Laura yelling in!
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We had a BLAST! It really is such a great group of friends. They are really great people and I love that I have them in my life.
Friday, January 27, 2012
Another Weekend
This week FLEW by and I'm so grateful for another weekend. Work was crazy but everything else is getting better. My back is still sore, but after another 3 appointments at the chiropractor, I'm feeling a little better.
Things with my boyfriend have been really great this week. Almost like last weekend never happened, which is weird. He's been really really great and it has reminded me of all of the reasons I fell in love with him.
Tonight I have a girls night that I have been looking forward to it for a while. I'm sure I'll have some pictures up later! I'm already running a little late for that. I need to be at my friend's house in about 20 minutes and I'm on the sofa in what I wore to work! At least I know it will only take me a few minutes to get ready for tonight. Only a makeup touch up, brush my hair and change my shirt and shoes and I'm ready to go.
I've been trying to focus on the positive and get myself in a better place mentally. I know I have great people in my life, so that's helping. And being busy and active has helped too. I LOVE my kickboxing class. Had a picture on the bag on Monday night and more than one person commented on how hard I was punching and kicking. I was going nuts! But got out a lot of aggression and that was really needed.
But time to get moving. I'm happy for the weekend and hopeful for the future. January has been a really tough month, but its almost over. I'm also hopeful that all of 2012 isn't on the same track as January!
Things with my boyfriend have been really great this week. Almost like last weekend never happened, which is weird. He's been really really great and it has reminded me of all of the reasons I fell in love with him.
Tonight I have a girls night that I have been looking forward to it for a while. I'm sure I'll have some pictures up later! I'm already running a little late for that. I need to be at my friend's house in about 20 minutes and I'm on the sofa in what I wore to work! At least I know it will only take me a few minutes to get ready for tonight. Only a makeup touch up, brush my hair and change my shirt and shoes and I'm ready to go.
I've been trying to focus on the positive and get myself in a better place mentally. I know I have great people in my life, so that's helping. And being busy and active has helped too. I LOVE my kickboxing class. Had a picture on the bag on Monday night and more than one person commented on how hard I was punching and kicking. I was going nuts! But got out a lot of aggression and that was really needed.
But time to get moving. I'm happy for the weekend and hopeful for the future. January has been a really tough month, but its almost over. I'm also hopeful that all of 2012 isn't on the same track as January!
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Even Tougher Weekend
As much as I try to keep a positive outlook, once and a while things just come crashing down. That's what happened after I wrote on Friday before going out that night.
I had a great night out with my boyfriend at our usual Friday night spot, seeing our regular bartender. We had a great time and things were good. When I woke up during the night, I couldn't get back to sleep and my mind started racing. My boyfriend woke up at one point which is when I brought up everything that was on my mind.
We have had some tension over the past few months over one specific issue that just won't seem to go away. I knew it was still there. I have been able to feel it even though he wouldn't talk to me about it lately, until late night on Friday night.
It was too much to take. We almost broke up when we were talking but I absolutely refused to let that happen and told him so. We aren't going to be spending quite as much time together over the next week but we are still together. Typically we are together on Saturday nights, but we didn't see each other last night.
Between work being hard and some tough news on Tuesday, starting with a new Chiropractor on Wednesday for reoccurring back issues that just won't go away, having pretty troubling news after another doctor's appointment on Thursday, then this conversation and almost break up on Friday... this past week was a week from hell!
Individually, I could process each of these bad situations. I handled the work issue on Tuesday. It was tough with the news on Wednesday that my back problem will be a chronic issue that will never completely go away. I knew it was the same Sacroiliac Joint problem from last Spring while I was training. I just didn't realize how bad it was.
Still, I was processing the information from the 2 days in a row of not great news. Then Thursday, another doctor appointment with a specialist. I was going to this appointment based on a recommendation from another doctor I have been seeing for years to get some additional testing, mostly for a baseline to use since I seem to be suspect for a future disease.
Going into this testing while I was waiting to see this doctor, I felt bad, like an impostor. My regular doctor told me to see someone who only works on this one issue. I used connections I have to get an appointment one of the top 10 hospitals in the world and my appointment was with the doctor who heads up the entire department on this disease, more focused in older adults.
And here I am, 37 but looking much younger, sitting and waiting to see literally the best of the best, just for a baseline test? I felt like an impostor, like I was wasting time by taking up an appointment from someone who really could use it, who already has this disease. But I did hours of testing that day before having my time with this top doctor.
That's when he told me that I am at the very early stages of this disease which will eventually leave me blind. That might not happen for another 40+ years, but that is the outcome of this disease that has no cure, only ways to slow the progression.
So, after tough news on Tuesday about work, Wednesday finding out that I will live with this chronic back issue, Thursday I find out that at some point I will be blind. I was trying to process all of this. It was not easy.
Like I said, I'm being treated by the best of the best. This doctor is the HEAD of this whole department at a top 10 hospital in the WORLD. AND he's a professor at Harvard. So yeah, I'm in the right hands. This really is the best of the best. And because I am starting with the top, I have more opportunities available. I'm going back in a month for additional testing to hopefully further qualify for a study they are conducting.
I was trying to do some small bit of research and googling on this, what will happen, what options and treatment are normal and what I can expect. Catching this as early as I did is SO huge and not typical. If it wasn't for my regular doctor, one I have been seeing for over 15 years, knowing me and watching this without me even knowing, this wouldn't be the case. He's been watching it and wanted more testing by a specialist. Otherwise, like most people, I might not have been aware of this for another 15 or 20 years when it was much further along and harder to slow down the progression.
I've been trying to keep all of that in mind and not freak out. That hasn't been easy. Plus, all the other news from the 2 days before... it was a lot on my plate at once.
Then Friday night, after I woke up and started to talk to my boyfriend about things during the middle of the night. That was what let the flood gates open. I lost it. From about 4am when we were talking until about 1pm on Saturday afternoon, I was on and off crying. It was just too much to handle. I cried so much that the skin around my eyes is literally burnt. Red and raw still.
I won't give up on my relationship with my boyfriend. I love him with all I have. And I know that he loves me. We have an amazing thing together except for one issue. Unfortunately its a big issue. Hopefully, after talking again and giving us a bit of space, we can work through this together. I know I want that. And I know that he wants it too.
Yesterday I was an absolute mess. After a Facebook status update about how the year is off to a horrible start- couldn't even get the year right, I guess that's how much I DO NOT like 2012 so far, I got comments, emails, private facebook messages, texts and phone calls from so many friends. It was a really great reminder of the amazing people I have let into my life.
A couple of friends kept checking in throughout the day to make sure I was alright. Knowing I was home all day and not going to see my boyfriend last night, one friend wanted to go out with me last night. Well, due to the weather and my street looking horrible, I was too nervous to drive. She came and picked me to up to make sure I got out! I needed that SO much. I got to vent to her about everything that was going on and she was a great listener over a couple of much needed beers.
During the day, with the snow, I did venture out once, about a 1/2 mile down the road. Because I was feeling so down, I knew I needed to do something for myself to make me feel better about me. So I got my hair cut, just about an inch, to clean up the ends. I stopped at CVS and picked up a bunch of stuff on my way home. I did my eyebrows when I got home and then gave myself a pedicure with a cool new color I bought.
Little things to make me feel pretty when I just felt miserable inside. I was hoping that by doing something outside, it would impact how I felt inside. Then when we went out last night, oh boy did I get dressed! We just went to this small restaurant/bar down the street. I was dressed like it was a night out dancing with the girls! My hair and makeup all done with the cutest top too. I needed to feel attractive.
So now I'm still processing everything. Trying to get the pile of shit news I had last week together in my head. OH yeah, a couple of other smaller things from last week. My car's inspection sticker was expired. Long expired. Every time I was going to get the sticker, something else happened that it wouldn't pass. The check engine light was on and off. It would go off, I'd plan to go the next morning, but then it would be back on. One day it was off, I was all set to go, and then my tail light went out! By the time I could figure out changing it (with Dad's help), the check engine light was back on!
Wednesday I got the check engine light fixed at the dealership. It was the thermostat and not in an easy place. SO $400 later, they said I needed to drive 50-100 miles to clear the code from the system before I could get the inspection done. Great! That was Friday night, but we got snow, so I couldn't go yesterday. My plan was to go the beginning of this coming week.
Yesterday I was clearing off my car again after my haircut, while my car was running and warming up. Instead of my drivers tail light being out, this time its the drivers side headlight! Seriously! What the hell! URGH! It is always something.
Plus, Friday night when we were out and I came up to a light, wow did my breaks sound absolutely horrible. I don't have the money right now, especially after $400, to get more work done on my car. Every single time I start to get ahead financially, something else comes up! ALWAYS!!!!
Yesterday morning, with everything going on, being completely overwhelmed and miserable, I threw myself the biggest and baddest Poor Me Pity Party. It went on and on for hours. After my boyfriend called around 12:30, it was time to stop. I knew I needed to snap out of that. That was when I decided I was going for a hair cut.
Having my friend pick me up and take me out last night was HUGE!! My boyfriend called me several times throughout the day yesterday. I was kind of happy when I told him I only had a minute cuz my friend would be picking me up any minute to go out. It was nice to say I wasn't sitting in all night just because I wasn't out with him. I called him a few hours later after I got home, and he wanted to know where we were and how my night was.
Today is a new day and a new week. I have plans every single night this week. Monday and Wednesday I'm going to kickboxing with 2 of my friends. Tuesday night is yoga with one friend and Thursday night at least one is meeting me for swimming. Then Friday night is our planned Girls Night. Two friends are in a Cabaret show and 8 of us have tickets to go see them. This is something I've been looking forward to for a while!
I'll still be seeing my boyfriend during the week, even today. The Pats/Ravens game is at 3 and I'll be watching the game at his house. The chiropractor I'm seeing has 2 offices. I made the appointments for early mornings at one closer to my boyfriends house, figuring I could sleep at his place, get ready there in the morning and go straight to the chiropractor from his house. I have 7:30am appointments on Monday, Wednesday and Friday this week.
So, after the game today, I'll head home for a while and do my own thing here. I told him I won't be going back over until about 9pm tonight to sleep there and get ready in the am. Typically I don't see him on Tuesday and Thursday nights but go over on Monday and Wednesday's. This week, I'll go over after yoga on Tuesday and just watch tv myself. Thursday night it will be closer to 9:30 or 10 by the time I'm done at the pool, showered, stopping at home, then heading to his house. So even though I'll be sleeping there a few times, we really won't be spending much time together.
Obviously I have lots on my mind this weekend. It has been so difficult for me to process so many really big things in the matter of only a few days. Now that I've had another day to go by, gave myself permission to have that Poor Me Pity Party for one, I have been better able to get some perspective on everything.
Work is work. It pays my bills. I have my fitness certification classes in a few weeks and I'm working hard to get to the direction I want my life to go. I'm making new contacts all the time and working hard at networking as well. That is an important part of what I need to do to grow this. I am taking steps almost every day to bring me closer and closer to my goals.
My back. Well, it is what it is. The chiropractor is helping. This one is better than the one I saw last year and I have much more information about my injury. I now know that I'll need maintenance to keep it from getting this bad again. By the time I feel the pain, the injury is already pretty bad. I didn't know that before.
My other medical issues.... I'm getting treatment from the best of the best in the world. I am the VERY early stages, something most people never know. I have a chance to be part of a study for additional treatment options, one being done with Harvard University! If something like this had to happen, something negative like this, I have the best of all the possibilities in place to have a much more positive outcome. I'll still end up blind if I live to 90, but hey, who knows what other options will be available within the next 50 years!
And then my boyfriend. That's the one I have processed the least. And this is the hardest one to process. I have the least amount of control with this and my heart is in it more than my head. I have never had a relationship like this in my entire life. I have never loved someone like this before. I have never felt like this with anyone before. I have never ever been more ME with anyone ever. Ever. There is no censoring any part of me with him. Nothing. I don't hold anything back. I am just me and completely the truest me I can be. He sees more of a complete and true me than any other person I have ever known.
I can honestly say that there has never been a time in my life with any person or relationship I have had where I haven't felt like part of me, my life, my past or anything about me, where SOMETHING about me wasn't judged. I have never had that. Any family, any friend, any boyfriend, anyone ever... I have always felt that some part of me, my life, my choices, something about who I was as a person or my choices was judged.
My boyfriend is the only person I have ever known where I have not felt judged in any way at all, ever. I am so free and comfortable to be exactly who I am, all of who I am. No holding back. No secrets, no censoring. Just me, all of me, and completely me. I have never ever had that before in my life! And it is so amazing to be that free and that accepted. I love him so much for giving me that.
I love what we have. We have laughed so hard that its triggered his asthma and he's been wheezing after! We can joke about anything, have serious conversations and just enjoy being together always. I don't want to lose this amazing connection that we have together. I don't want to lose him in my life. I will fight with everything I have to get us through this and make us stronger for it.
But right now I don't know how to fight. I don't know what I need to do to fight. I just don't know what needs to be done or how to fix all of this. All I know is that this is worth so much more and deserves the work and effort involved. And I know that he feels the same way.
We'll get back on the same page. This will work out. We'll be even stronger in the end for the challenges we are going through right now. I see him as my partner in life. Someone I am standing next to, working with, reaching mutual goals with. I know we can get there. It may not be the image I had originally expected or wanted or what others picture as the ideal, but whatever it is, it will be our choosing and it will be the right thing for us. But it will happen.
Damn, this ended up being really long! Not what I thought it was going to be, but I know that I had a lot I needed to get out. Too many things on my mind and this was a great way to work on processing it all.
I feel better, more optimistic about the future and the upcoming weeks. Right now I can't really get too far past that. The end of February is about as far as I can see. My fitness tests are in February. My testing for the study will be in February. I'll most likely have my back cleared up in February. And my fingers are crossed, my relationship with my boyfriend will be stronger and in a much better position by the end of February.
Right now, I can only see the next 6 weeks. It'll be a really tough time, but I have to keep focused and determined and positive to have the successes that I want and need.
I had a great night out with my boyfriend at our usual Friday night spot, seeing our regular bartender. We had a great time and things were good. When I woke up during the night, I couldn't get back to sleep and my mind started racing. My boyfriend woke up at one point which is when I brought up everything that was on my mind.
We have had some tension over the past few months over one specific issue that just won't seem to go away. I knew it was still there. I have been able to feel it even though he wouldn't talk to me about it lately, until late night on Friday night.
It was too much to take. We almost broke up when we were talking but I absolutely refused to let that happen and told him so. We aren't going to be spending quite as much time together over the next week but we are still together. Typically we are together on Saturday nights, but we didn't see each other last night.
Between work being hard and some tough news on Tuesday, starting with a new Chiropractor on Wednesday for reoccurring back issues that just won't go away, having pretty troubling news after another doctor's appointment on Thursday, then this conversation and almost break up on Friday... this past week was a week from hell!
Individually, I could process each of these bad situations. I handled the work issue on Tuesday. It was tough with the news on Wednesday that my back problem will be a chronic issue that will never completely go away. I knew it was the same Sacroiliac Joint problem from last Spring while I was training. I just didn't realize how bad it was.
Still, I was processing the information from the 2 days in a row of not great news. Then Thursday, another doctor appointment with a specialist. I was going to this appointment based on a recommendation from another doctor I have been seeing for years to get some additional testing, mostly for a baseline to use since I seem to be suspect for a future disease.
Going into this testing while I was waiting to see this doctor, I felt bad, like an impostor. My regular doctor told me to see someone who only works on this one issue. I used connections I have to get an appointment one of the top 10 hospitals in the world and my appointment was with the doctor who heads up the entire department on this disease, more focused in older adults.
And here I am, 37 but looking much younger, sitting and waiting to see literally the best of the best, just for a baseline test? I felt like an impostor, like I was wasting time by taking up an appointment from someone who really could use it, who already has this disease. But I did hours of testing that day before having my time with this top doctor.
That's when he told me that I am at the very early stages of this disease which will eventually leave me blind. That might not happen for another 40+ years, but that is the outcome of this disease that has no cure, only ways to slow the progression.
So, after tough news on Tuesday about work, Wednesday finding out that I will live with this chronic back issue, Thursday I find out that at some point I will be blind. I was trying to process all of this. It was not easy.
Like I said, I'm being treated by the best of the best. This doctor is the HEAD of this whole department at a top 10 hospital in the WORLD. AND he's a professor at Harvard. So yeah, I'm in the right hands. This really is the best of the best. And because I am starting with the top, I have more opportunities available. I'm going back in a month for additional testing to hopefully further qualify for a study they are conducting.
I was trying to do some small bit of research and googling on this, what will happen, what options and treatment are normal and what I can expect. Catching this as early as I did is SO huge and not typical. If it wasn't for my regular doctor, one I have been seeing for over 15 years, knowing me and watching this without me even knowing, this wouldn't be the case. He's been watching it and wanted more testing by a specialist. Otherwise, like most people, I might not have been aware of this for another 15 or 20 years when it was much further along and harder to slow down the progression.
I've been trying to keep all of that in mind and not freak out. That hasn't been easy. Plus, all the other news from the 2 days before... it was a lot on my plate at once.
Then Friday night, after I woke up and started to talk to my boyfriend about things during the middle of the night. That was what let the flood gates open. I lost it. From about 4am when we were talking until about 1pm on Saturday afternoon, I was on and off crying. It was just too much to handle. I cried so much that the skin around my eyes is literally burnt. Red and raw still.
I won't give up on my relationship with my boyfriend. I love him with all I have. And I know that he loves me. We have an amazing thing together except for one issue. Unfortunately its a big issue. Hopefully, after talking again and giving us a bit of space, we can work through this together. I know I want that. And I know that he wants it too.
Yesterday I was an absolute mess. After a Facebook status update about how the year is off to a horrible start- couldn't even get the year right, I guess that's how much I DO NOT like 2012 so far, I got comments, emails, private facebook messages, texts and phone calls from so many friends. It was a really great reminder of the amazing people I have let into my life.
A couple of friends kept checking in throughout the day to make sure I was alright. Knowing I was home all day and not going to see my boyfriend last night, one friend wanted to go out with me last night. Well, due to the weather and my street looking horrible, I was too nervous to drive. She came and picked me to up to make sure I got out! I needed that SO much. I got to vent to her about everything that was going on and she was a great listener over a couple of much needed beers.
During the day, with the snow, I did venture out once, about a 1/2 mile down the road. Because I was feeling so down, I knew I needed to do something for myself to make me feel better about me. So I got my hair cut, just about an inch, to clean up the ends. I stopped at CVS and picked up a bunch of stuff on my way home. I did my eyebrows when I got home and then gave myself a pedicure with a cool new color I bought.
Little things to make me feel pretty when I just felt miserable inside. I was hoping that by doing something outside, it would impact how I felt inside. Then when we went out last night, oh boy did I get dressed! We just went to this small restaurant/bar down the street. I was dressed like it was a night out dancing with the girls! My hair and makeup all done with the cutest top too. I needed to feel attractive.
So now I'm still processing everything. Trying to get the pile of shit news I had last week together in my head. OH yeah, a couple of other smaller things from last week. My car's inspection sticker was expired. Long expired. Every time I was going to get the sticker, something else happened that it wouldn't pass. The check engine light was on and off. It would go off, I'd plan to go the next morning, but then it would be back on. One day it was off, I was all set to go, and then my tail light went out! By the time I could figure out changing it (with Dad's help), the check engine light was back on!
Wednesday I got the check engine light fixed at the dealership. It was the thermostat and not in an easy place. SO $400 later, they said I needed to drive 50-100 miles to clear the code from the system before I could get the inspection done. Great! That was Friday night, but we got snow, so I couldn't go yesterday. My plan was to go the beginning of this coming week.
Yesterday I was clearing off my car again after my haircut, while my car was running and warming up. Instead of my drivers tail light being out, this time its the drivers side headlight! Seriously! What the hell! URGH! It is always something.
Plus, Friday night when we were out and I came up to a light, wow did my breaks sound absolutely horrible. I don't have the money right now, especially after $400, to get more work done on my car. Every single time I start to get ahead financially, something else comes up! ALWAYS!!!!
Yesterday morning, with everything going on, being completely overwhelmed and miserable, I threw myself the biggest and baddest Poor Me Pity Party. It went on and on for hours. After my boyfriend called around 12:30, it was time to stop. I knew I needed to snap out of that. That was when I decided I was going for a hair cut.
Having my friend pick me up and take me out last night was HUGE!! My boyfriend called me several times throughout the day yesterday. I was kind of happy when I told him I only had a minute cuz my friend would be picking me up any minute to go out. It was nice to say I wasn't sitting in all night just because I wasn't out with him. I called him a few hours later after I got home, and he wanted to know where we were and how my night was.
Today is a new day and a new week. I have plans every single night this week. Monday and Wednesday I'm going to kickboxing with 2 of my friends. Tuesday night is yoga with one friend and Thursday night at least one is meeting me for swimming. Then Friday night is our planned Girls Night. Two friends are in a Cabaret show and 8 of us have tickets to go see them. This is something I've been looking forward to for a while!
I'll still be seeing my boyfriend during the week, even today. The Pats/Ravens game is at 3 and I'll be watching the game at his house. The chiropractor I'm seeing has 2 offices. I made the appointments for early mornings at one closer to my boyfriends house, figuring I could sleep at his place, get ready there in the morning and go straight to the chiropractor from his house. I have 7:30am appointments on Monday, Wednesday and Friday this week.
So, after the game today, I'll head home for a while and do my own thing here. I told him I won't be going back over until about 9pm tonight to sleep there and get ready in the am. Typically I don't see him on Tuesday and Thursday nights but go over on Monday and Wednesday's. This week, I'll go over after yoga on Tuesday and just watch tv myself. Thursday night it will be closer to 9:30 or 10 by the time I'm done at the pool, showered, stopping at home, then heading to his house. So even though I'll be sleeping there a few times, we really won't be spending much time together.
Obviously I have lots on my mind this weekend. It has been so difficult for me to process so many really big things in the matter of only a few days. Now that I've had another day to go by, gave myself permission to have that Poor Me Pity Party for one, I have been better able to get some perspective on everything.
Work is work. It pays my bills. I have my fitness certification classes in a few weeks and I'm working hard to get to the direction I want my life to go. I'm making new contacts all the time and working hard at networking as well. That is an important part of what I need to do to grow this. I am taking steps almost every day to bring me closer and closer to my goals.
My back. Well, it is what it is. The chiropractor is helping. This one is better than the one I saw last year and I have much more information about my injury. I now know that I'll need maintenance to keep it from getting this bad again. By the time I feel the pain, the injury is already pretty bad. I didn't know that before.
My other medical issues.... I'm getting treatment from the best of the best in the world. I am the VERY early stages, something most people never know. I have a chance to be part of a study for additional treatment options, one being done with Harvard University! If something like this had to happen, something negative like this, I have the best of all the possibilities in place to have a much more positive outcome. I'll still end up blind if I live to 90, but hey, who knows what other options will be available within the next 50 years!
And then my boyfriend. That's the one I have processed the least. And this is the hardest one to process. I have the least amount of control with this and my heart is in it more than my head. I have never had a relationship like this in my entire life. I have never loved someone like this before. I have never felt like this with anyone before. I have never ever been more ME with anyone ever. Ever. There is no censoring any part of me with him. Nothing. I don't hold anything back. I am just me and completely the truest me I can be. He sees more of a complete and true me than any other person I have ever known.
I can honestly say that there has never been a time in my life with any person or relationship I have had where I haven't felt like part of me, my life, my past or anything about me, where SOMETHING about me wasn't judged. I have never had that. Any family, any friend, any boyfriend, anyone ever... I have always felt that some part of me, my life, my choices, something about who I was as a person or my choices was judged.
My boyfriend is the only person I have ever known where I have not felt judged in any way at all, ever. I am so free and comfortable to be exactly who I am, all of who I am. No holding back. No secrets, no censoring. Just me, all of me, and completely me. I have never ever had that before in my life! And it is so amazing to be that free and that accepted. I love him so much for giving me that.
I love what we have. We have laughed so hard that its triggered his asthma and he's been wheezing after! We can joke about anything, have serious conversations and just enjoy being together always. I don't want to lose this amazing connection that we have together. I don't want to lose him in my life. I will fight with everything I have to get us through this and make us stronger for it.
But right now I don't know how to fight. I don't know what I need to do to fight. I just don't know what needs to be done or how to fix all of this. All I know is that this is worth so much more and deserves the work and effort involved. And I know that he feels the same way.
We'll get back on the same page. This will work out. We'll be even stronger in the end for the challenges we are going through right now. I see him as my partner in life. Someone I am standing next to, working with, reaching mutual goals with. I know we can get there. It may not be the image I had originally expected or wanted or what others picture as the ideal, but whatever it is, it will be our choosing and it will be the right thing for us. But it will happen.
Damn, this ended up being really long! Not what I thought it was going to be, but I know that I had a lot I needed to get out. Too many things on my mind and this was a great way to work on processing it all.
I feel better, more optimistic about the future and the upcoming weeks. Right now I can't really get too far past that. The end of February is about as far as I can see. My fitness tests are in February. My testing for the study will be in February. I'll most likely have my back cleared up in February. And my fingers are crossed, my relationship with my boyfriend will be stronger and in a much better position by the end of February.
Right now, I can only see the next 6 weeks. It'll be a really tough time, but I have to keep focused and determined and positive to have the successes that I want and need.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Quick Check In
This month has been long and trying already. I'm doing well with all of my resolutions. I'm focused on the fitness training certification, really on top of my finances, and been working hard at working out. I'm proud of the direction that I've been going and continue on. I know I'm on the right path for myself.
This week was just crazy. Fitness-wise, I went to yoga, a new kickboxing class and went swimming. LOVED the kickboxing class! It was great to have my yoga class start back up. And swimming last night felt really good.
My back started back up last Wednesday and when we had the 1/2 marathon relay race last Saturday, I was struggling to finish up the laps I did. My back was throbbing at the end. This past Wednesday I had my first appointment with a new chiropractor and the second was this morning. I'm already scheduled for 3 for next week. My back is just bad. But I can already feel a difference and I know taking a break from running is helping even though I miss it.
Work was busy but I might have a new lead on cross selling another account for 3 new sales, which would mean 3 more commission bonuses! YAY for me! I really hope that works out for me and gives me the boost I need to keep going on sales calls. The bonus each month would be great.
I'm still processing the results of a doctors appointment I had yesterday. At this point I'm basically terrified to go to any doctor again. I guess in a way I'm lucky that I have good doctors I've been going to for years who are not afraid of ordering tests or sending me to specialists. But the bad part is... they are always right! There is always a need for the specialist.
Last May I was sent for additional tests from one doctor, which happened in June. The second was in December and I was told I'll be back every 6 months for 2-3 years to continue watching to see if anything changes.
In December I saw another doctor. He said he's been watching something for years and wanted me to get further tested as a baseline best case with a small small chance that something is wrong now. That small small chance? Yeah, fall in that part. Something is wrong.
I got another call from another doctor today because I fall into a category of a study that is going on at that hospital. My options, start in the study next month by having further testing or wait 4 months for further testing. I went for being in the study and getting the testing now to see if any treatment might make a difference by starting now instead of waiting.
I'm still trying not to freak out but that's hard to do. I know I'm at a top 10 hospital in the world for this and the doctor I saw yesterday is the head of this department... so I know I'm in the best hands possible. And I'm only at the very very beginning. And I'm lucky that MY doctor sent me for the testing. Without it, things would continue without me knowing and without symptoms until things progressed much further. I'm trying to focus on that part.
But still, LOTS to process. LOTS.
So my life continues with the normal ups and downs that I have gotten used to. I have great people around me, great support and I try to keep a positive attitude. My boyfriend is incredible and has been so supportive. Whenever anything rough hits with me, he's at his best. I absolutely love him for that and everything else.
I keep going, one foot in front of the other, seeing where my life is going.
This week was just crazy. Fitness-wise, I went to yoga, a new kickboxing class and went swimming. LOVED the kickboxing class! It was great to have my yoga class start back up. And swimming last night felt really good.
My back started back up last Wednesday and when we had the 1/2 marathon relay race last Saturday, I was struggling to finish up the laps I did. My back was throbbing at the end. This past Wednesday I had my first appointment with a new chiropractor and the second was this morning. I'm already scheduled for 3 for next week. My back is just bad. But I can already feel a difference and I know taking a break from running is helping even though I miss it.
Work was busy but I might have a new lead on cross selling another account for 3 new sales, which would mean 3 more commission bonuses! YAY for me! I really hope that works out for me and gives me the boost I need to keep going on sales calls. The bonus each month would be great.
I'm still processing the results of a doctors appointment I had yesterday. At this point I'm basically terrified to go to any doctor again. I guess in a way I'm lucky that I have good doctors I've been going to for years who are not afraid of ordering tests or sending me to specialists. But the bad part is... they are always right! There is always a need for the specialist.
Last May I was sent for additional tests from one doctor, which happened in June. The second was in December and I was told I'll be back every 6 months for 2-3 years to continue watching to see if anything changes.
In December I saw another doctor. He said he's been watching something for years and wanted me to get further tested as a baseline best case with a small small chance that something is wrong now. That small small chance? Yeah, fall in that part. Something is wrong.
I got another call from another doctor today because I fall into a category of a study that is going on at that hospital. My options, start in the study next month by having further testing or wait 4 months for further testing. I went for being in the study and getting the testing now to see if any treatment might make a difference by starting now instead of waiting.
I'm still trying not to freak out but that's hard to do. I know I'm at a top 10 hospital in the world for this and the doctor I saw yesterday is the head of this department... so I know I'm in the best hands possible. And I'm only at the very very beginning. And I'm lucky that MY doctor sent me for the testing. Without it, things would continue without me knowing and without symptoms until things progressed much further. I'm trying to focus on that part.
But still, LOTS to process. LOTS.
So my life continues with the normal ups and downs that I have gotten used to. I have great people around me, great support and I try to keep a positive attitude. My boyfriend is incredible and has been so supportive. Whenever anything rough hits with me, he's at his best. I absolutely love him for that and everything else.
I keep going, one foot in front of the other, seeing where my life is going.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
One week down
This first week of the new year has been a bit challenging for me. Work was insane. I was miserable. I haven't had a day as bad as Thursday was in a very very long time. I actually considered just quitting on the spot it was that bad.
I'm still a little tired and edgy. The weather today is beautiful. I was able to meet a friend of mine at the track for about an hour and a half late morning. It was just so nice out and great to be outside. Felt great doing it.
I'm doing my best to stick to my new years plan and resolutions. So far so good. My year this year is Inspiring and Reaching Positive Results. I've made 3 areas to focus on within that. First is becoming a trainer. Second is my own fitness and training. Third is my finances. My goal to get the results in each area is to make both weekly and monthly goals in all 3 areas to keep me on track. So far so good.
For this past week my weekly goals were:
Personal Fitness- Exercise every day. I did 5 out of 7. Sunday I did a 5K then an arm workout with my boyfriend. Monday I did a leg workout with my boyfriend. Tuesday I swam laps. Wednesday I did an arm workout at home, plus obliques. Thursday and Friday were off. Today I met my friend at the track and did a walk/jog thing. I still want to get in an ab and arm workout at home too.
Fitness Training-
Start my online yoga classes- I haven't done that yet.
Start studying my books- I haven't done that yet.
Talk to Alex- I haven't done that yet.
Make a plan to "teach" someone to prep- been working on that.
This is just hard. This week was so stressful at work, that when I was home I was so spent! The last thing I wanted to do was take a class online or study! But I need to get on the ball with that. Class is coming soon.
Financial Success-
Budget out the entire month of bills. What is coming in and what bills are due when, along with the extras (race registration, cabaret tickets, 1st aid class, get well gift).
Work on which accounts I can sell for bonus at work.
I did both of these. Made my full month budget. Unfortunately, I OVER paid on a few bills last check. So now? Rent & Insurance on this check, plus, food, gas, get well gift, race registration #1... I'm a little on the tight side. BUT my next check in a week and a half, I'm getting my commission bonus, plus my raise all in that one check. SO that will be good. And then I won't have as many bills due either.
My monthly goals for January were:
Personal Fitness-
Run 2-3 miles a week, for 25 miles for the month
Swim at least once a week
work out 5-6 days a week each week
lose those 5 pounds I gained back.
Fitness Training-
Finish the books
Finish both online yoga classes
"teach" at least one class to someone
Talk to Alex and Bridge about teaching with them
Take a new fitness class somewhere
Financial Success-
Have all bills paid and up to date at end of month
Get car inspected
Register for 1st Aid/CPR
Cross sell at least one account in January (for bonus in February)
Ultimately I want to be making an income in the fitness training after I get certified to teach and I need to work on steps to make that happen. I also need to have myself in good physical shape to be able to teach those classes successfully! So all of that will work well together to get me to where I want to be.
And I like my naming the year. Inspiring and Reaching Positive Results. I want them for me and for others. And I want to inspire others. Funny too, the other night I had registered for a race for next weekend. Its a 1/2 marathon relay, so 5 of us are splitting it up. While it was a reply all thing back and forth with everyone, 3 of them had great things to say and thanked me for the fitness group. They said because of this, they have done things they never thought they could or would have done. I really love that.
That's why I want this. That's why I want this certification and to continue in this field. I love inspiring others. I love helping people discover what they can really accomplish and being there to cheer on their successes! It isn't just the physical aspect either. I really want to be a wellness coach. Take the life coach side and combine it with the physical training side. They just go hand and hand.
I know I am on my way to this. I know I will be successful in this. I know that I can do this. I need to stay on track, meet my short term goals and keep going in the right direction to see success. But I will do this! :)
I'm still a little tired and edgy. The weather today is beautiful. I was able to meet a friend of mine at the track for about an hour and a half late morning. It was just so nice out and great to be outside. Felt great doing it.
I'm doing my best to stick to my new years plan and resolutions. So far so good. My year this year is Inspiring and Reaching Positive Results. I've made 3 areas to focus on within that. First is becoming a trainer. Second is my own fitness and training. Third is my finances. My goal to get the results in each area is to make both weekly and monthly goals in all 3 areas to keep me on track. So far so good.
For this past week my weekly goals were:
Personal Fitness- Exercise every day. I did 5 out of 7. Sunday I did a 5K then an arm workout with my boyfriend. Monday I did a leg workout with my boyfriend. Tuesday I swam laps. Wednesday I did an arm workout at home, plus obliques. Thursday and Friday were off. Today I met my friend at the track and did a walk/jog thing. I still want to get in an ab and arm workout at home too.
Fitness Training-
Start my online yoga classes- I haven't done that yet.
Start studying my books- I haven't done that yet.
Talk to Alex- I haven't done that yet.
Make a plan to "teach" someone to prep- been working on that.
This is just hard. This week was so stressful at work, that when I was home I was so spent! The last thing I wanted to do was take a class online or study! But I need to get on the ball with that. Class is coming soon.
Financial Success-
Budget out the entire month of bills. What is coming in and what bills are due when, along with the extras (race registration, cabaret tickets, 1st aid class, get well gift).
Work on which accounts I can sell for bonus at work.
I did both of these. Made my full month budget. Unfortunately, I OVER paid on a few bills last check. So now? Rent & Insurance on this check, plus, food, gas, get well gift, race registration #1... I'm a little on the tight side. BUT my next check in a week and a half, I'm getting my commission bonus, plus my raise all in that one check. SO that will be good. And then I won't have as many bills due either.
My monthly goals for January were:
Personal Fitness-
Run 2-3 miles a week, for 25 miles for the month
Swim at least once a week
work out 5-6 days a week each week
lose those 5 pounds I gained back.
Fitness Training-
Finish the books
Finish both online yoga classes
"teach" at least one class to someone
Talk to Alex and Bridge about teaching with them
Take a new fitness class somewhere
Financial Success-
Have all bills paid and up to date at end of month
Get car inspected
Register for 1st Aid/CPR
Cross sell at least one account in January (for bonus in February)
Ultimately I want to be making an income in the fitness training after I get certified to teach and I need to work on steps to make that happen. I also need to have myself in good physical shape to be able to teach those classes successfully! So all of that will work well together to get me to where I want to be.
And I like my naming the year. Inspiring and Reaching Positive Results. I want them for me and for others. And I want to inspire others. Funny too, the other night I had registered for a race for next weekend. Its a 1/2 marathon relay, so 5 of us are splitting it up. While it was a reply all thing back and forth with everyone, 3 of them had great things to say and thanked me for the fitness group. They said because of this, they have done things they never thought they could or would have done. I really love that.
That's why I want this. That's why I want this certification and to continue in this field. I love inspiring others. I love helping people discover what they can really accomplish and being there to cheer on their successes! It isn't just the physical aspect either. I really want to be a wellness coach. Take the life coach side and combine it with the physical training side. They just go hand and hand.
I know I am on my way to this. I know I will be successful in this. I know that I can do this. I need to stay on track, meet my short term goals and keep going in the right direction to see success. But I will do this! :)
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