2012 in general has sucked up until this point. I keep hoping that things will get better. They might for a day or 2 but overall... things suck. I wish I felt better about things could be happier right now.
Saddest part is, I have so many really great things that are going on. But the bad is just really so bad that it has completely overshadowed the really great! And I hate that! I wish I could get past it all, but it hasn't been working out that way.
I'm going to give myself the rest of tonight to be down. Tomorrow is a new day. I'm meeting friends for a 5K and I'm going to have fun. Next week I'll be busy and the weather is going to be beautiful!! Spring starts too!
So I have tonight to be down. Tomorrow, no matter what it takes, I am going to turn things around. I am going to start to see things better and be happier and more positive.
Even the couple hundred dollars I spent today didn't help! An incredible 1 hour massage to start my day, followed by some retail therapy that included a couple pairs of shoes (SO friggin CUTE too!). Since both pairs are open toe and the weather will be close to 80 next week, on my way home I stopped for the best pedi I have ever had!
Then I was home for less than an hour before going to teach my bootcamp class. They did amazing today and I was so proud of them too!
So yeah, it should be a good day. But it isn't. And I don't see me feeling any better about it.
I have today to be down and tomorrow I need to change things. I need to get myself in a better spot and find a way to be happy again. Whatever that is going to take.
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Website Lauch
Today obviously started pretty crappy, based on the post I wrote this morning. Then I went to my kickboxing class which got our LOTS of my stress, then I taught another bootcamp class from 2-3. That was FUN!
I still have the same sucky situation going on. I'm not sure if things can get fixed this time around. I want them to be fixed but I don't know if will be possible this time. Which is kind of hard to deal with. Granted, no tears, so that's something.
Then tonight... sitting home, I FINALLY finished my website! It is NOW up! YAY!!! Body By Orsillo is now done and going and live! I am officially a business, website and all! :)
http://bodybyorsillo.com/
Yup... its really there!
So now, relaxing and planning to go to bed early. The time change is tonight, losing an hour. Then getting picked up at 10:30 tomorrow morning (so feeling like 9:30) to head up to the last race in this series... a 5 mile road race.
And I'm already exhausted! Tomorrow is going to kill me!
I still have the same sucky situation going on. I'm not sure if things can get fixed this time around. I want them to be fixed but I don't know if will be possible this time. Which is kind of hard to deal with. Granted, no tears, so that's something.
Then tonight... sitting home, I FINALLY finished my website! It is NOW up! YAY!!! Body By Orsillo is now done and going and live! I am officially a business, website and all! :)
http://bodybyorsillo.com/
Yup... its really there!
So now, relaxing and planning to go to bed early. The time change is tonight, losing an hour. Then getting picked up at 10:30 tomorrow morning (so feeling like 9:30) to head up to the last race in this series... a 5 mile road race.
And I'm already exhausted! Tomorrow is going to kill me!
Another week & Another Ride
So far I'm not a huge fan of 2012. The one thing that has been the most consistent for me is the inconsistency of everything. I've been on a roller coaster ride for over 2 months now and it really is making me sick.
Too many ups and downs, highs and lows. Just when I think things are done and its smooth sailing now, all of a sudden another big drop just comes out of no where! It just knocks me right to the ground!
Last weekend when I wrote, that week before was horrible. Two days in a row of horrible news back to back. It was tough to take. I managed and survived and made it through. Last week was a little better. I was teetering along. Nervous to get too comfortable with anything. I just got both shoes back on. I was afraid of one dropping again.
Well... I had reason to be worried. It did drop. Last night. And the ride begins again. I think things are good. And as soon as I am feeling better about thing, BAM, right in my face it hits me and just throws me for a loop all over again.
SO now I am surviving again. Managing again. Putting on the damn happy face I have unfortunately gotten better and better at. I hate being fake. I hate pretending. But I can't deal with the reality. I can't handle the emotions of it all right now.
I know I'm not perfect. I know I make plenty of mistakes. I forgive people when they make them, if they want it and ask for it. And try my best to move on. But when I make a mistake, when I show that I am human and not perfect, why can't I be forgive for that? Why don't I get that second chance? Why are grudges held against me?
I'm lucky I have great friends. After a very very difficult situation... one quick phone call was all it took. I got a I'm at X with Y. Not even a hello. Then, are you alright? My answer. I don't know. When I showed up where they were, a beer was sitting on the bar waiting for me. I really do have great friends. They let me vent. They listened as I rambled. They ignored how off the wall I was. I couldn't sit still. I couldn't sit. I needed to move.
I stayed for that one beer and left. I went home and didn't sleep. I tried... but I didn't sleep. Tossed and turned all night. I was up at 7:30 this morning.
I'm glad I went to my kickboxing class today. I needed to get things out and punching and kicking a bag is a great release for it. And today was a WORKOUT! I was dripping in sweat and panting to catch my breath! But I loved it. I forgot my life. I forgot my problems. I forgot about my roller coaster ride that I don't want to be on.
And then class was done. Then my life came back and that roller coaster was right there waiting to take me on another ride.
When do I make the choice to get off? Can I make that choice? Will life keep putting me back on, even if I decide to make certain changes?
I don't know what I want right now. I know I'm confused. I'm upset. I'm sad. And I'm angry too. Very angry. I have too many emotions running all over the place and I don't know how to manage them right now. I can't figure things out and I hate the not knowing of it all. I hate that part!
I just don't know what to do. I don't know what the future holds and I don't know what's best for me. I don't know what decisions I should make or even have a clue on what decisions I WANT to make.
I have lots of thinking to do. Lots. It looks like this is going to be another very long week. Let the roller coaster ride start up again and give me that happy face to throw on. Time to start pretending.
Too many ups and downs, highs and lows. Just when I think things are done and its smooth sailing now, all of a sudden another big drop just comes out of no where! It just knocks me right to the ground!
Last weekend when I wrote, that week before was horrible. Two days in a row of horrible news back to back. It was tough to take. I managed and survived and made it through. Last week was a little better. I was teetering along. Nervous to get too comfortable with anything. I just got both shoes back on. I was afraid of one dropping again.
Well... I had reason to be worried. It did drop. Last night. And the ride begins again. I think things are good. And as soon as I am feeling better about thing, BAM, right in my face it hits me and just throws me for a loop all over again.
SO now I am surviving again. Managing again. Putting on the damn happy face I have unfortunately gotten better and better at. I hate being fake. I hate pretending. But I can't deal with the reality. I can't handle the emotions of it all right now.
I know I'm not perfect. I know I make plenty of mistakes. I forgive people when they make them, if they want it and ask for it. And try my best to move on. But when I make a mistake, when I show that I am human and not perfect, why can't I be forgive for that? Why don't I get that second chance? Why are grudges held against me?
I'm lucky I have great friends. After a very very difficult situation... one quick phone call was all it took. I got a I'm at X with Y. Not even a hello. Then, are you alright? My answer. I don't know. When I showed up where they were, a beer was sitting on the bar waiting for me. I really do have great friends. They let me vent. They listened as I rambled. They ignored how off the wall I was. I couldn't sit still. I couldn't sit. I needed to move.
I stayed for that one beer and left. I went home and didn't sleep. I tried... but I didn't sleep. Tossed and turned all night. I was up at 7:30 this morning.
I'm glad I went to my kickboxing class today. I needed to get things out and punching and kicking a bag is a great release for it. And today was a WORKOUT! I was dripping in sweat and panting to catch my breath! But I loved it. I forgot my life. I forgot my problems. I forgot about my roller coaster ride that I don't want to be on.
And then class was done. Then my life came back and that roller coaster was right there waiting to take me on another ride.
When do I make the choice to get off? Can I make that choice? Will life keep putting me back on, even if I decide to make certain changes?
I don't know what I want right now. I know I'm confused. I'm upset. I'm sad. And I'm angry too. Very angry. I have too many emotions running all over the place and I don't know how to manage them right now. I can't figure things out and I hate the not knowing of it all. I hate that part!
I just don't know what to do. I don't know what the future holds and I don't know what's best for me. I don't know what decisions I should make or even have a clue on what decisions I WANT to make.
I have lots of thinking to do. Lots. It looks like this is going to be another very long week. Let the roller coaster ride start up again and give me that happy face to throw on. Time to start pretending.
Saturday, March 3, 2012
March!
Thank God that week is done. This past week has really been one of the worst of my entire life. I was on such an emotional rollarcoaster. It was horrible. I somehow made it through everything and survived but I really don't know how.
I was a mess the entire week... crying all the time, angry, sad, depressed. Devastated. It was a lot to go through within just a few days.
At this point, I'm trying to look forward and see where things can go from here and what I want. I'm trying to see all the positive things in my life and focus on that. But that can get hard with too many negative things going on at once. Slowly I'm climbing out and slowly thing will improve.
Today is my first class teaching bootcamp. I just had my final spot filled too. The class starts in just over two hours. I'm nervous and excited. I know it will go well, but I really just want to get this first one done and have that under my belt to move forward. Its exciting to see something I want so much and have worked towards to be happening.
SO... time to review February, the good, bad and very very ugly!
Here are what I had set for goals and how I did:
Personal Fitness-
Get back into running. Log over 15 miles for the month. Nope- only did 1 3 mile race last Sunday and felt it in my back.
Swim at least once a week - I didn't swim once in February!
work out 4-5 days a week each week- I did work out a lot in Feb, but I'm not exactly sure how many days each week... but pretty close to that.
Lose the couple of remaining pounds to get back to my goal. - I'm under 130 again and have been for about 2 weeks, but that was more being sick and being stressed.
Fitness Training-
Take and PASS the 3 classes (be certified!!!) - took all my classes, including the online ones, need to wait for the certification
Decide on a business name - Done, Body By Orsillo
Get a webpage and business cards - working on webpage, want debit card first to order the business cards out of that account.
Open a bank account for the business - done, waiting on debit card
Look into getting insurance or what would be necessary - need the certification info back first.
Continue to talk to Alex about teaching with her - Done. Class starts today.
Talk to Bridget to teach with her - no open space that would work for me.
Make 2 new contacts through networking - ? I'm not sure I did this, but still progressing with things
Look into & consider registering for Kickboxing Skills class - Decided not to do right now.
Look into & consider registering for Zumba Instructor training class. - Decided not to do right now.
Financial Success-
Have all bills paid & up to date in month. - yes
Get headlamp fixed and car inspected. not yet, but figured out what I'm going to do
Register for CPR class. Waiting on Debit card to pay for out of business account
Get taxes done. Done and received
Pay off something on credit report. Not yet, just got taxes back yesterday and want to review, haven't had time yet.
Cross sell/close at least 2 commission bonus policies for March income. - Still working prospects, but didn't close any sales.
If financially possible, register for another fitness instruction class (Kickboxing and/or Zumba) Decided not to do this.
So I guess overall it doesn't look too bad. I didn't make any many of my personal fitness goals, which is funny because I was at kickboxing a lot and love it. That has been my new release, punching and kicking. I don't love the new place I've been going with my next Groupon. Its unorganized and not as much fun. Kickboxing is SO fun. This place just isn't.
I've made a lot of progress on getting my own business going. Things are moving pretty quickly with that. I need to get the certification info back, get the insurance and all that, so I can get the permit with the town to teach outdoor classes starting the end of April. But the business account is in place, and I'm starting to teach today. That's HUGE progress.
Financially, good thing I got my taxes back. Last month, I put out a few hundred dollars with things for this business out of my own unbudgeted money and that put me back a little. But now I can sort of pay myself back with the taxes and pay off a few things. Got my excise tax and my registration renewal paid yesterday, plus cable and electric bills. My insurance bills are up to date, car payment too.. and that will be paid off in either July or August too.
And today, people will pay me for the bootcamp. After I pay for the studio, I'll still be making $250 clear for 6 hours of teaching, so that's not too bad. Granted, I've already put in over $250 to get here, but that's alright. When I do the outdoor bootcamp, I'll be making much more than that for only 2 hours a week.
I'll have to find out how much the permit is going to cost me, but even if I have only 10 people sign up for the first session, I'll be making over $80 an hour. I can take that, doing something fun and that I love!
So finances are getting better and so is the business thing. And I love working out and taking kickboxing.
Other things that are good.
Full time job is alright. Nothing too crazy and I feel pretty secure in my job and how things are going.
I have the best friends in the world, even people I really didn't know would be there... I'm just lucky.
I really do have the best people around me. It took me a very very long time to get here, to have a big support system around me with so many amazing people. Everyone is fun, positive and without drama! I've wanted this for so long I'm so happy to have the people in my life who I have. I appreciate them all so much and try to let them all know it too.
This week just sucked, but I will move forward and move ahead and be better and stronger for it. And I will learn from everything that happened.
Things with my boyfriend have been challenging to say the least. I know that he loves me. I have absolutely no doubt about that. With some of the issues that have come up, I've lost a sense of security I had with me that I really want to get back. I'm pretty sure he'll work to help me get it back with him and I know that he wants things to move ahead for us. I just have to trust and that can be really really hard for me, especially because things that have happened have just hurt.
SO... here we are, at the start of another month. February was full of challenges and ups and downs, but also was full of progress too. Big accomplishments were met and more will follow.
My goals for March:
This week... baby steps.
Sign up for Kickboxing, go twice
Go to CATZ at least once
Run at least once after Sunday's race
As soon as debit card comes in, order business cards, register for CPR and sign up for class
Work on Website completion.
Make a budget for the entire month of March of what is paid when and out of where. KEEP money saved up.
Here is too a good March... my fingers are crossed!
I was a mess the entire week... crying all the time, angry, sad, depressed. Devastated. It was a lot to go through within just a few days.
At this point, I'm trying to look forward and see where things can go from here and what I want. I'm trying to see all the positive things in my life and focus on that. But that can get hard with too many negative things going on at once. Slowly I'm climbing out and slowly thing will improve.
Today is my first class teaching bootcamp. I just had my final spot filled too. The class starts in just over two hours. I'm nervous and excited. I know it will go well, but I really just want to get this first one done and have that under my belt to move forward. Its exciting to see something I want so much and have worked towards to be happening.
SO... time to review February, the good, bad and very very ugly!
Here are what I had set for goals and how I did:
Personal Fitness-
Get back into running. Log over 15 miles for the month. Nope- only did 1 3 mile race last Sunday and felt it in my back.
Swim at least once a week - I didn't swim once in February!
work out 4-5 days a week each week- I did work out a lot in Feb, but I'm not exactly sure how many days each week... but pretty close to that.
Lose the couple of remaining pounds to get back to my goal. - I'm under 130 again and have been for about 2 weeks, but that was more being sick and being stressed.
Fitness Training-
Take and PASS the 3 classes (be certified!!!) - took all my classes, including the online ones, need to wait for the certification
Decide on a business name - Done, Body By Orsillo
Get a webpage and business cards - working on webpage, want debit card first to order the business cards out of that account.
Open a bank account for the business - done, waiting on debit card
Look into getting insurance or what would be necessary - need the certification info back first.
Continue to talk to Alex about teaching with her - Done. Class starts today.
Talk to Bridget to teach with her - no open space that would work for me.
Make 2 new contacts through networking - ? I'm not sure I did this, but still progressing with things
Look into & consider registering for Kickboxing Skills class - Decided not to do right now.
Look into & consider registering for Zumba Instructor training class. - Decided not to do right now.
Financial Success-
Have all bills paid & up to date in month. - yes
Get headlamp fixed and car inspected. not yet, but figured out what I'm going to do
Register for CPR class. Waiting on Debit card to pay for out of business account
Get taxes done. Done and received
Pay off something on credit report. Not yet, just got taxes back yesterday and want to review, haven't had time yet.
Cross sell/close at least 2 commission bonus policies for March income. - Still working prospects, but didn't close any sales.
If financially possible, register for another fitness instruction class (Kickboxing and/or Zumba) Decided not to do this.
So I guess overall it doesn't look too bad. I didn't make any many of my personal fitness goals, which is funny because I was at kickboxing a lot and love it. That has been my new release, punching and kicking. I don't love the new place I've been going with my next Groupon. Its unorganized and not as much fun. Kickboxing is SO fun. This place just isn't.
I've made a lot of progress on getting my own business going. Things are moving pretty quickly with that. I need to get the certification info back, get the insurance and all that, so I can get the permit with the town to teach outdoor classes starting the end of April. But the business account is in place, and I'm starting to teach today. That's HUGE progress.
Financially, good thing I got my taxes back. Last month, I put out a few hundred dollars with things for this business out of my own unbudgeted money and that put me back a little. But now I can sort of pay myself back with the taxes and pay off a few things. Got my excise tax and my registration renewal paid yesterday, plus cable and electric bills. My insurance bills are up to date, car payment too.. and that will be paid off in either July or August too.
And today, people will pay me for the bootcamp. After I pay for the studio, I'll still be making $250 clear for 6 hours of teaching, so that's not too bad. Granted, I've already put in over $250 to get here, but that's alright. When I do the outdoor bootcamp, I'll be making much more than that for only 2 hours a week.
I'll have to find out how much the permit is going to cost me, but even if I have only 10 people sign up for the first session, I'll be making over $80 an hour. I can take that, doing something fun and that I love!
So finances are getting better and so is the business thing. And I love working out and taking kickboxing.
Other things that are good.
Full time job is alright. Nothing too crazy and I feel pretty secure in my job and how things are going.
I have the best friends in the world, even people I really didn't know would be there... I'm just lucky.
I really do have the best people around me. It took me a very very long time to get here, to have a big support system around me with so many amazing people. Everyone is fun, positive and without drama! I've wanted this for so long I'm so happy to have the people in my life who I have. I appreciate them all so much and try to let them all know it too.
This week just sucked, but I will move forward and move ahead and be better and stronger for it. And I will learn from everything that happened.
Things with my boyfriend have been challenging to say the least. I know that he loves me. I have absolutely no doubt about that. With some of the issues that have come up, I've lost a sense of security I had with me that I really want to get back. I'm pretty sure he'll work to help me get it back with him and I know that he wants things to move ahead for us. I just have to trust and that can be really really hard for me, especially because things that have happened have just hurt.
SO... here we are, at the start of another month. February was full of challenges and ups and downs, but also was full of progress too. Big accomplishments were met and more will follow.
My goals for March:
Personal Fitness-
- Join kickboxing and go twice a week at least
- Go to the 2 yoga classes they are having this month
- Get to Pilates at least twice, use new Groupon, or try for old?
- Continue to use up Groupon to CATZ and TRY to enjoy it
- Run at least once during every week in addition to the weekend races
Fitness Training-
- Take another class in March.
- Teach my weekend classes successfully!
- Order Business Cards
- Register for CPR/First Aid
- Call about getting Permit
- Ask Pilates Gym about any opportunities
- When all info back on certification, get insurance
- Finish setting up website
Financial Success-
- Pay something on credit report
- Cross sell SOMETHING this month, Close at least 1
- Get light fixed and inspection sticker on car
- Try to pay a little extra on car loan
This week... baby steps.
Sign up for Kickboxing, go twice
Go to CATZ at least once
Run at least once after Sunday's race
As soon as debit card comes in, order business cards, register for CPR and sign up for class
Work on Website completion.
Make a budget for the entire month of March of what is paid when and out of where. KEEP money saved up.
Here is too a good March... my fingers are crossed!
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