Almost another work week down... tomorrow the office is closing at 3pm for the long weekend. I'm really looking forward to some time out of that place. I really need it.
I had another interesting conversation with my boss today. It started when I asked him about when I meet with him next month about the meeting last week. I wanted to know who makes the decision. Who determines if expectations have been met? Won't that be subjective? And will they just interview everyone in my department again?
My boss said his opinion matters. That helped. He had me close his office door and again said that the company president isn't a fan of mine. He reminded me that he will be retiring in the next 18-24 months. He said he wasn't sure of my career plans or goals, but with the presidents opinion of me, if I see something that comes up, I should take it. He said he doesn't want to push me out and isn't trying to get rid of me, but I have to do what's best for me. And that with our company president, when she has an opinion of someone, it will not change ever. She makes up her mind, and that's it. So that's it for me.
I'm sad. I work really hard for this company and it is really hard to finally know for sure that I will never reach my goals. At this point, they really are unobtainable. I need to start looking somewhere else.
I know my boss has done his best to have my back. He knows my strengths, he knows my knowledge. I know he would be a great reference for me.
I need to try to stay positive on this. He didn't need to tell me all of this. He could get in trouble for what he said to me. But I know he likes me and cares about me and feels bad for the situation that I am in. He doesn't like it and he doesn't agree with it. But he is also in a bad position. He's not a favorite either.
He said that the president knows that she needs me right now. No one else knows what I know. No one else can do what I can do. And we have two HUGE accounts that we could be getting within the next six months. It would really screw them if I left. But with everything I have been through, everything they have put me through? It is what it is.
Next week they are sending me to a supervisor training for 2 days out of the office. That can go on my resume. I am also going to ask about taking the next 35 credits to maintain my license (on their dime). I need those by next summer. And one of the exams I take (for 30 credits) can also go on my resume that I am starting towards another designation in my field.
I am going to use them for all I can until I leave. I just have to time everything correctly. As sad as it is, I'm lucky I know for sure know instead of just thinking it. I know last week I said I would be at this job for another year or 2. Now I'm thinking more like 6 months to a year, depending on what I can find. I just hope I can bang out the 35 credits by then! I'll talk to my boss in a couple of weeks about taking the test for 30 credits (the test is over $250).
I just want to be in a good position for me. I need to do what's right for me and I need to look out for me first. This is a really tough position for me to be in. I know I will survive, I know I will land on my feet and I know I will be stronger and smarter for all that I have been through. But having to go through all this just sucks and there isn't any other way to say that.
My facebook status tonight was:
Having a gut feeling is one thing. Having it all confirmed is another. Now that it eveything sunk in, grateful for the honesty and knowledge I now have to move myself in the right direction for me.
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