I'm going to do my best to write in this more often. Hard when I still have the running/marathon training blog too.
My back is getting better from last week, although sadly cleaning yesterday pushed it back a little bit. Really, cleaning? Maybe I can use that as an excuse! LOL!
I did a MAJOR Spring cleaning in my house yesterday. Windows were open to air it out. I have several bags of trash to take out tonight. Vacuumed everything too. I went out last night and basically ran out of time, but the only things I didn't do were mop the kitchen and bathroom and clean the tub. Otherwise, EVERYTHING else in my house was done. Kind of nice to be in a super clean house right now. :)
And last night I had a great dinner out. I was supposed to take M (new guy) out for dinner for his bday to a steakhouse down the street from me. He met me at my house (a very specific reason yesterday was Spring cleaning day!) and it was the first time he saw my place. Then we went to go to the steakhouse. An hour and a half wait, with NO room to even order a drink at the bar!
So we left. We went a little down the street to this great little Italian restaurant I had wanted to try. LOVED it. The food was amazing and the atmosphere was great too. We did have a party of 8 next to us who were a little loud, but other than that, it was a great night. I think I have a restaurant.com gift certificate for them too, but both of my gift certificates were home. Oh well... an excuse to go back. Prices weren't bad either. An app, dessert, 2 meals and 6 drinks... with the tip I think I spent under $100. That's pretty good.
Weird right now. So many things in my life keep going really really, hmmm.. what word? Things are just right. Everything. Work is good. My house is good. My friends are good. My social life is good. My health is improving. My family relationships are good. Spring is here. The weather is getting better. I'm dating a great guy. Life is just really good. Even the marathon fund raising that I thought I couldn't do is good. So many things are just right. I'm happy and I'm content with life.
This is a new place for me. I don't have things to be stressed out about. I don't have much to worry about it. Yeah, I will always worry about money. That's just me. And the marathon is 4 weeks from tomorrow and I need to cross the finish line after 26.2 miles, so ok, that's in the back of my mind. But that's it. I don't have things really weighing me down. I don't have things keeping me up at night, giving me nightmares and making me sick to my stomach.
I'm not used to having so many things all go right at the same time. I don't generally get to experience this. But right now, life is really really good. I'm just happy. I smile all the time. I can't help it. I have so much more energy. I'm so much more positive. Everything feels like it is as it should be.
I love that I have made so many amazing friends in the past 2 years. They really are just great people. I have so much fun whenever I hang out with them and they just make me laugh. I love that. I love being happy and laughing. For so long I wanted that in my life, but had a really hard time finding it.
I've done a lot of work on myself in the past few years. I ended so many relationships and pushed out as much of the negative out of my life as possible. I had to make room for the good by pushing out the not so good and the things that weren't working for me. And now I'm here. Now I'm in such a great place!
It isn't like I'm scared of it, I'm not. I love it! And before, when things were good, I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop to push me backwards and back to a not so good place. But I know I'm in this good place and I KNOW I'm not going anywhere. I know I'm staying here.
So it isn't fear. It's more of a confusion I guess. Hard to explain it. Because it is new, because feeling this happy and this content and this positive about life and the future, I am just in unfamiliar territory. This is all new. This is something I haven't really experienced before. The unfamiliarity of it, I guess is what it is. The confusion that comes with the unknown. Not a fear, not an insecurity, just an unknown and unfamiliar.
I'm trying to find my way in this. I'm positive and so hopeful and happy. Life is just incredible and I love it. Every day, I love it. I'm enjoying learning my way and trying to become familiar with being this happy with everything at once without fear in the way for the first time ever!
I remember just over a year ago, sitting on this same sofa I am on now. That day was a Sunday morning too. I was confused because I couldn't explain my mood. It was something different that I wasn't used to and I couldn't put my finger on what it was. It was unusual for me. Later that day as I was driving up to my parents house, it finally clicked! I was relaxed! I remember thinking how sad it was that I didn't recognize what feeling relaxed was like. I was always in such a state of stress and panic, that being relaxed was something so foreign to me.
But now, that's how I am in general. I am so much more relaxed in my everyday life. I don't let as many things get to me. I let so much more just roll off my back and be. I'm happier with everything in my life.
I know this will stay. I know I have so many new outlets and support systems in place to keep this for a long time to come. Yes, I know there will be ups and downs in life, as their always are. But my overall state of happiness and my overall state of where I am has just improved. I am in such a better place that when things do happen, I am so much better prepared to handle them and take the stress and the issues than I ever was before. I can handle the knocks better now. And I come out stronger for each and every one of them.
Today is the first day of Spring. This is a new season, a new beginning. Spring is the start of all that's fresh and new. The weather improves. The flowers start to grow. The trees begin budding. Life begins again.
I can't wait to see where this Spring takes me. I can't wait to see what roads I go down. I love the possibilities.
Happy Spring!
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