I keep getting more and more support and donations for the marathon. Got another one tonight plus an email asking if it was too late. After my company match, I'm under $75 from my fund raising goal of $7000! I cannot believe the generosity of everyone. It is just insane.

I NEVER thought $7000 was a real possibility! But holy crap! Only 6 days away and I'm under $75 from it? Really? WOW! That's amazing.

Work is going ok, but still has been pretty quiet. I'm looking forward to having Friday off. I haven't been sleeping well lately. I just want to sleep until I wake up on Friday.

My back is getting a little better finally. That's a HUGE deal. I feel good and I'm happy with that. Stretching is a big deal and has really helped. I just need to keep up with that.

I went back on Match. Now that the weather is getting better, I don't think people are looking as much. I don't know. Maybe its me. Maybe I'm not interested in looking right now. I'm still sad. I'm just not ready to jump into something else. I can't go right back into another thing right away. I know what I want. I know what I found and what I lost and I don't want to settle for less.

The marathon is in 6 days. A week after that I have my Couch to 5K running group starting up and 35 people have already signed up for it. WOW! That's a lot of people! I know I'll be really busy during the week. May is going to be insane. I'll be at the track Mondays and Wednesdays, have golf on Tuesdays, swimming on Thursdays and dance lessons on Fridays. WOW. Dating would be tough anyway.

I'm sure if I had the right person in my life I would make time and work around my crazy schedule. But without someone specific around, I'm not going to go out looking. It just isn't worth it.

But I'm excited for the marathon. One of my friends is getting a group together to see me on the route and I'm giving her a little "care package" for me! :) If she's in 2 places, then I'll have 2 for her. A water, Gatorade, Advil, jelly beans and ice pack (the kind you pop to use... my chiro gave me a few). That will really help me get through the day. I'm so glad I know that I'll have people along the route supporting me and cheering me on.

And I'm glad the Couch to 5K is starting up again. I'll get to hang out with my friends at the track more regularly. I am so lucky that I found this group of friends. I have SO much fun with them. They really are great people.

I found a show online call "Girls Night The Musical" and I'm pretty sure we are making it a girls night. I emailed the group... there are 7 of us. So far most are in, we are just trying to nail down a date. I think we have it between 2 nights. I'm excited! :) Should be SO much fun!

It took a really long time, but I think I finally found my niche down here on the south shore. I have my fitness group that is SUCH a huge part of my life now. I love the group and love trying all of the new things we do. I have made some great friends down here through that. I am the healthiest I have been since I was in my early 20's. I have some bumps along the road, some bigger than others, but I do what I have to do to get me back on course.

I think overall things are really good for me. Some days are easier in life than others and the past few weeks have really been tough for me to get through. But I know I'm a survivor. I know I will come through stronger. And I really believe that things will work out for me as they are supposed to. Yeah, some days just SUCK and I want to know the why. But when time passes and I look back, it always makes sense and that clarity is there.

I'm still in the why stage with this relationship not working out. As bad as the email was that I received last week, I know him and I know that wasn't his intent. I know he wouldn't intentionally be mean, rude, hurtful or disrespectful, no matter how that email actually read. And it really did read THAT bad. The very few people I told about the email... their jaws literally dropped at how bad it was. But again, I know it wasn't the intent and I can see past that.

I'm still disappointed that he couldn't give things another chance. I know he forgives me and I have been able to forgive myself. I know I was going through a lot... that medication REALLY messed me up fast. But I also know that I have given so many people in my past second chances. He couldn't do that. I respect that. I don't understand it or agree with it, but I respect that.

With my past and as I said, things always work out. If this is a relationship that I am supposed to have in my life, then something will happen to bring him back into it. But right now, it just isn't in the cards. I get that. And I am SO glad I have so much going on that I won't need to sit and think. That's the bad time for me. Thinking. Not good.

But now I think I need to try to go to bed. Almost 11:30 and with me not sleeping for DAYS, I need one good night. Tomorrow should be a busy day at work, which is really nice. Lots going on.

Life is good. I'm trying to focus on the positives and see the great things I have. I know overall I'm lucky. Things are more good than they are not so that right there is a good thing. The warmer weather is starting and April is almost 1/2 over! Summer is just around the corner. I know I'll be ok. :)

To quote my favorite song, each day....

I get a little bit stronger
Just a little bit stronger