Last week on the 30th that my dad's cousin had a massive heart attack and died pretty much instantly. She was 58. Freaks me out. 4 years ago another one of my dad's cousin's died of a stroke, on Dec 26th and she was 58. How messed up is that?

I wrote my dad a long letter and gave it to him tonight. It basically said I don't want to lose you so please start taking better care of yourself.

Tonight sucked for the wake. I know wakes are never easy, but for someone in her 50's when it was that sudden? I feel so bad for her family. That was the hardest part. Her husband isn't well. He has severe arthritis and is in extreme pain. When I was with him, he said he just wants to know why it was her and not him, that it should have been him. It was horrible. Next week would have been their 40th wedding anniversary. He bought her a beautiful emerald ring that he was going to give her. It was on her finger tonight. She never saw it.

Her daughter, my cousin Kelly was there. She is 2 years younger than me. I feel so bad for her. I don't know what I would do. Kelly said, she's too young to die and I'm too young to be without a mom. I can't imagine her pain. Tomorrow is going to suck.