I have cancer.  It has taken me almost 12 hours since the doctor called to be able to say or type that word.  Cancer.  I have it.  Breast Cancer specifically. 

3 weeks ago I felt a lump.  I called the doctor that Monday and got an appointment with my doctor on that Friday.  She felt it too and she knew my history.  She's the one who had set me for a mammogram a year and a half ago.  That showed microcalcifications so I had my mammo's every 6 months.  June 2011, December 2011 and June 2012.  They were watching to see if anything changed.  And as of June, all was good.  I even have my appointment in December.

But 3 weeks ago I felt a lump.  After seeing my doctor that Friday, she sent me for another mammogram and ultrasound, which was the following Friday.  Because of the Aleve I've been taking after my wrist surgery (a blood thinner), I had to wait for the biopsy, which was this past Friday.  Today I got the results. 

I have breast cancer. 

My next doctor appointment is on Thursday with a breast specialist at a breast clinic associated with Dana Faber and Brigham and Women's Cancer Centers.  She will go over my films with me and what the next steps are. 

I'm in shock.  I'm 38.  I shouldn't have to find the strength to say the words, I HAVE CANCER.  What is that???  Why is that???  How does that happen?  I'm healthy.  I run, swim, work out, teach exercise classes.  I ran a marathon!  How do I get cancer? 

Thursday I have to find out what steps are next.  Thank GOD I was not at work today when this call came in.  Thank GOD for this hurricane keeping me home with my boyfriend all day.  And thank God for him.  I couldn't have made it through the past few weeks without him. 

He is my rock and I love him so much.  He is amazing.  I couldn't have made it this far without him.  Going forward from here?  I don't know what's next or what is going to happen. 

Thursday I find out more.  One thing at a time, one step at a time.  Today I got the call and almost 12 hours later I find the strength to say it out loud.  I have cancer.  I am 38 years old and today I found out that I have breast cancer.