A Different Perspective

I remember that book from years ago, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. We all know that men and women are different and that we think differently. We have different perspectives on how we see the world.

Men view themselves differently as well. Once and a while they have those funny commercials where one guy asks another, "Do these pants make my butt look big?" Those are so funny because that would never happen. Guys don't think about how their butts look in their pants. Women do.

Women judge themselves against other women and against any possible way others may view them. Women are harder on themselves than anyone else could possibly be. They know every roll, every wrinkle and every dimple on their body. Where it is, and how long it has been there.

Then there is the different perspective. The male perspective. First off, men have no idea about all of our female insecurities. They don't know how we think about ourselves and our perceived flaws. Second, they don't see what we see as flaws. A wrinkle to one woman is a smile line well earned to the man that loves her... if he even notices it at all.

But one thing I have recently noticed is the difference in how men and women view themselves. Last week I joined Match.com. I remember months ago at a cookout, a group of women were talking about how to select their body type for online dating. Slender? Athletic? About Average? The guys that overheard us told us all to go for slender or athletic. None of us were average. Isn't the term average supposed to mean close to everyone else?

For my match.com profile, I selected "Athletic & Toned" for my body type. With all the fitness I do, the weight I lost and the life I live, I thought it was a good fit. I am still VERY aware of the parts that jiggle and where the dimples live, but toss me in a good pair of jeans and those are far from view.

For the men I was looking for, I gave careful consideration to what I was looking for. I'm generally not attracted to skinny guys, so I skipped the "Slender" option and with the active lifestyle I live, I'm not loooking for the "Few extra pounds", "Heavyset" or "Stocky" guys either. I ended up selecting "Athletic & Toned" and "About Average" for the two body types I was looking for in my search.

SO now when I go through the thousands of men in match, it will select those who "match" what I put in for my search options. 33-43 year old male living within so many miles of me with the height options I picked, divorced or never married (not separated), doesn't smoke, exercises at least twice a week and for wanting kids "someday" or "definitely".

As I scroll through the men that "match" my selections, I'm blown away. How these men consider themselves even "Average"? Um, can you say more than a few extra pounds? How is a man's opinion of himself so different than that of a woman's? Do they live in a delusion or just not care? Do they have such an inflated view of themself that they just see themselves through different a different lens? And can they market this lens for women?

I think all women need to take a page from the book men read. We need to see ourselves as our best selves and push off small limits or flaws so they don't even exist. We don't need to worry if our butts look big. Men don't. Why should we?